chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
