Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
