Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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