i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
