2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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