Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
