I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
tell me about the eggs
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