Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
