So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
