Nicole vs. Life
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
