You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
