I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
