I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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