I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
