What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
