At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
