if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
