So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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