does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
