She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
