My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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