she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
