Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
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His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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