Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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