Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
