I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
