you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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