I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
