the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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