How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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