I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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