Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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