Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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