Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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