They should really pass out barf bags in church
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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