I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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