Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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