Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
