She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
