I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
