Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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