Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
