everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
