I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Text me some of your sweat
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