I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
