Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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