i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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