So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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