We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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