It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
