I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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