Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
