Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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