i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
