Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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