i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
