I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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