Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
