If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
