Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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