Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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