Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
