nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
