Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
