I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
