I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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