I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
